The first three weeks and some useful details

Tobias and I assumed that having a beautiful birth was the Great Goal to Be Achieved.  We figured that everything AFTER the birth would come as naturally as breathing, albeit with some sleepless nights to guide us on our Path to Parenthood.  We asked some questions in our midwife appointments like, "Is there anything essential we need to have or know before the Coming of The Bear?" and would walk away feeling like "It'll come naturally and be fine" were good foreshadowing answers to the ease with which our trajectory of Awesome Hippie Parents would continue after birth.

Espen,  for the record, the first three weeks have been pretty rife with fascinating challenges.  Also for the record, we've all been fairly awesome about them.  I wanted to write them down as factually as possible so you'd have an adult reference point if you should ever want to compare notes.  And now, without further ado, the facts, sir.

From the beginning, you were an eager latcher, going straight for the breast with natural ease.  By day two, my nipples were cracked and bleeding and there were many feedings that were so painful I was crying as I fed you.  This, we figured, was not quite the blissful breastfeeding picture which had been painted for us by our advisors.

Joy, our midwife, suggested a possible tongue-tie, which is when your frenum is attached so as to make it difficult to fully roll back the upper lip and/or tongue.  We spent the next day trying to ascertain where and how your upper frenum was attaching and came to the conclusion that it was well within the short category.  This apparently causes discomfort with breast-feeding because a baby can't open their mouth all the way to get a proper latch...it can also cause speech issues and digestive issues later on so we were keen to get it resolved.


The procedure is a simple and quick one involving a snip of the frenum which takes a second and doesn't bleed much and heals quickly.  Joy had performed several of these procedures and had consulted a specialist so we felt that a quick snip at home would be the most comfortable option for you.  We did that on Wednesday, day 3, for you.  I did Reiki on you and Danielle did cranio-sacral massage on you and you cried for about a minute, while Joy was holding the ice on your lip after the snip.  We expected that things would even out with the breast feeding after that, but we scheduled an appointment with the specialist, Bobak Ghaheri, for Friday (day 5) just to make sure we had completely addressed any potential tongue-tie issues.

That was our first outing from the house, which, you can be the judge of, in terms of how you like that, or what significance, if any, it may have.  I personally thought it was a little ridiculous but what can you do. We were at the end of our babymoon and we wanted to be able to breast feed, since by that point, I had started pumping to give my breasts a chance to heal but still keep you on the nipple juice.

Dr. Ghaheri asked me a few questions about breast feeding, like, "How does it feel?" and "How do your nipples look after a feeding?", checked inside your mouth, and said with no hesitation, "It's an upper and sub-lingual tongue tie."  He showed us how it looked inside your mouth and explained that tongue tie is far more common than most people suspect, in fact, his own daughter had been tongue tied.

The procedure he suggested, was using a laser to cut the frenums, which was a quick procedure, 1-2 minutes and would bleed minimally.  We felt confident that this was the best route to take as it was quick and as painless as possible...and then found out that we were not allowed in the room during the procedure because of OSHA rules (some medical governance body who probably doesn't want anxious, hovering parents getting in the way of doctors trying to work).  We didn't like that idea at all, but Joy, our fearless midwife, who came with us, asked if she could go with you and after checking, Dr. Ghaheri said that was within the guidelines.

Veering from the facts for a moment, I must confess, this was still a very heart-wrenching call, especially since we had to sit two doors down and just wait for about 7 minutes until we heard you wail and then a minute or two later, Joy came barreling into the room with you in here arms.  Good lord.  You got boob immediately and settled right down into a deep nap.

The follow up for the procedure involved us having to roll a finger back and forth over the wound sites 4-6 times per day for three weeks so the frenums wouldn't re-attach and the tissue would stay flexible.  Again, there are many things we would have preferred to give you 4-6 times a day besides putting our hands in your mouth and making you squirm. At the writing of this, we still have one week to go with the rolling and your lip and tongue have healed up nicely.  Now we are focusing on doing exercises to build your mouth strength and feeding you with our fingers and baby straws/re-introducing you to regular breast-feeding.  You've gotten mom juice the whole time so while the delivery system has varied over the last three weeks, the product has been 100% organic, made for you, food.

Now we are at the point where we are about 80% on finger feeding and 20% breast-feeding.  I'll be doing herbal supplementation to help the process along and I am very hopeful that we will be able to get to 100% breast-feeding...but either way, we're confident that you are getting the love and nutrition you need to thrive so regardless of how it all ends up looking, you're in good hands kiddo.

Week 41- Go Time and the Easter Bear Birth Story

Saturday, Tobias and I decided to eat at the Carver Cafe for breakfast and do a belly cast.  We've determined that the Bear is on his own schedule now and we will content ourselves with being patient and having some fun while waiting....the day could not have been more gorgeous...sunny, warm, like summertime.  We raked leaves into the burn pile, Tobi played around with the "jet pack", clearing an area for the compost and around the fire pit and we soaked in the goodness...good thing we did because that night, Easter Eve, the surges started becoming regular around 10.30pm.

I was content to bounce on the birthing ball and watch episodes of Smash and Glee and Once Upon A Time and just observe how the rushes felt...not uncomfortable, just tightening.

Around 4.30am we called Joy and said, "Probably come now.  We're about 4 minutes apart."  Over she and Danielle rolled and from that point on, the show was up and running.  The tub filled, the surges became more regular and intense, and the Bear, Tobi and I were on the adventure of a lifetime.  I plan on writing about this specifically in more depth, but for right now, I will simply say, it was an initiation on the most primal level.  There is no ceremony, no words, no incantations I have experienced or heard about, which touch the complete submersion of mind into body driven by soul.

To speak simply of the physical sensations would be unidimensional but I understand how it can be the focal point of cultural stories and popular belief.  They are total in their manifestation in the body. You can hypnotize yourself, yell through it, breathe through it or knock yourself out, but your body is still going to go through the monumental process of opening itself and shifting bone, muscle and sinew to create a passage for new life.  It is nature at its most instinctual. What you get to decide is how you aim to participate in the unfolding...

Surfing monster waves is a metaphor that comes to mind. You either catch the wave and ride it or it rides you and can drive you into the ocean floor or shoot you into the sky.  I grew up riding some pretty feisty horses and I can tell you that birth puts them all in the circus pony ring.

At 12.30pm on Easter Sunday, Espen Camino Eld-Mathis emerged, under water, in our bedroom, to a day that was bright, warm and filled with a flood of fulfillment.  The last ten months, all leading up to this moment...you uncurled under water in Tobias' hands, a delightful blueberry color, and after 10 or 15 seconds, we brought you into the air and right onto my chest where you opened your eyes and just STARED at us as you started to breathe. Again, this is something you can only know the full measure of if you experience it directly.  It's incredible. It's a titanic effort.  It's completely unbelievable.

One of the things I am most grateful for is that we were able to give you such a peaceful, conscious entry into the world.  I was never drugged, never screaming and able to completely engage in talking to you during the entire process.  We worked together to bring you into the world and the teamwork was powerful.  There was a moment near the end, when I reached down and felt the top of your head at the opening between inner world and outer world...talk about a game changer!  Tobias and I just stared at each other in disbelief and kept saying, "We're really having a baby! This is The Bear!"...as if all the rushes and body rocking up to this point had been for some other reason!

Needless to say, when you emerged, we were completely overjoyed and exhausted and the midwives bundled us into bed with you still attached to your cord.  We kept you attached for three hours to make sure you got all the good blood and nutrients you could and then I cut our cord myself after thanking you for the time and space we had shared for the last ten months and you became fully embodied as YOU as we held you in our arms.

You weighed 8 pounds and 13 ounces and were 21.5 inches long with a complete head of dark hair. So flipping cute!  Tobias and I are completely in love with you and within minutes, you were sucking your thumb and had latched on to nurse.

Our adventure is just beginning Bear, and I hope you like the spelling of your name.  Tobi and I had many debates about it being Esben or Espen and the reason we chose the latter is because it is easier for English speakers to get the sound right...oh the things to keep in mind when you are an international kid!

Of course we're having all the magical things done too, like determining your Card of Destiny, having your astrology chart read, chinese animal and mayan calendar animal...so you should be set for World Fluency in no time...