Week 20-Rumble in the Bronx

Or the uterus.

Halloween 2012, first undoubted kicks are thrown down on All Saint's Day.  I take this as a sign that OscarLily will be pro dressing up in costumes and making the rounds of candied goodness as a regular habit.

Since then, I've discovered a few interesting things. 

1. Being kicked from the inside is what I imagined a conscience would be like.  This gentle prodding however, does not seem to be related to much besides me doing Reiki on my tummy or staying up late. 

2.  I'm pretty sure that OL is learning how to break dance, complete with flips and slides. Just call me a personal Dance Dance Revolution machine.

3.  OL may also have stage fright...i.e. Don't look at me or push me around or I'll go catatonic and pretend I'm not here. The best bet is to just act like a hunter. Don't let them know you're looking.

So we're halfway there.  In four weeks OL could actually survive outside its personal play ground.  Wild. 

No photos yet. I'm waiting for something super exciting to happen. Like the first stranger to say, "Hey. Are you pregnant."

Week 15, All Quiet On The Western Front

What with the booties and mini overalls, crib liners and tiny hats starting to decorate the Summer House, it's beginning to feel a lot like babies are on the way.

The last two weeks have been remarkably tranquil and I thought I'd just let them pass without comment to see if the restart would have more spectacular events to report.

So far, it's really the Presidential Elections 2012 with Obama vs. Mittens. 

Most of the changing and shifting has to do with internal development these days.  I've been doing qi gong, Dr. Lo style, reading The Nature of Personal reality by Jane Roberts and Seth, and getting into the swing of making healthy meals every day, as opposed to my girl bachelor habits of just grazing on tapas most of the day. 

Also, as music is super important, I've been cranking up Spotify and listening to good old folk from the likes of Gillian Welch and American Big Band Classics.  The new book I am writing is also getting done so what with the music, words, oh, and ballroom dancing, we should be in good shape creatively by the time Bump arrives. 

All of the websites and research says that Bump is now the size of an ordinary breakfast fruit; take your pick between apples and oranges, and should start making its presence known by swimming like a goldfish real soon. 

In the meantime, it's pumpkin pie season, so get ready kid, you're about to have a reason to get those taste buds crankin'.

Week 11/12ish...who really knows?

I must face it, I'm still not fabulously round yet, despite the fact that Tobi swears the we can now feel my uterus.  He placed his hand on that place right below the belly button, that one of my friends long ago, called, "the baby pooch", and announced, "See, feel that? That's your UTERUS." 

Wow. I am speechless. I'm pretty sure that's never happened before. Someone insisting they can feel your baby maker just before dinner. 

So the jury is out. I'm pretty sure I'm slowly getting thicker, like a gravy when you're heating it over low heat.  Tobi is pretty sure we should have a baby TOMORROW.  Going to the amusement park yesterday did nothing to alleviate his "Baby NOW!" excitement.  We went on all the roller coasters, including the sixth best roller coaster in Europe in 2009, and I laughed the whole way.  If Bump likes these on the outside, we now have a record of why this may be.  On top of the roller coasters, there were throngs of happy Danish kids racing around absolutely blissed out of their blonde little heads. 

It was a circle that consisted of me getting giddy over the rides, Tobi staring at the kids and then staring at my stomach, me wanting huge ice creams and Tobi staring at my stomach. 

I still can't tell for certain that anything is actually growing inside me, but the pregnancy calculators swear I'm somewhere between week 11 and 12.  I'll just be hanging tight with my naps and desire for lemon cake until something noteworthy happens. 

In the meantime, Bump and I have conquered a stomach flu that turned my insides to liquid AND managed to mow the lawn and learn some more Danish. Go us.

You got preggers cause you sexy, yo.

I'm very glad that womankind is reclaiming the sexy in being pregnant.  It's funny how mothers and virgins got lumped into the same category for years during the Victorian era and much much earlier.  Don't believe me? Check out the centuries old duality women have had to choose from- Virgin or Harlot.

Not this mamma though.  I'd say it stands to fairly good reason that in this sexually permissive, birth control laden culture, it's far more challenging to get with child than it is to stay without child.  Of course, people have their whoops moments, but I would hedge to suggest that they whoops'd it up because they weren't thinking clearly.  Why?  Who knows, but the emotions were probably running the show.  Otherwise, you've got two people who look at each other and think, "Dang. You are divinely sexually attractive.  Let's get super creative together. Yes, let's make something that lasts a lifetime. Take your clothes off you provocative beast."   

Afterall, how do you GET pregnant in the first place.  Comes in the same place it gets out.  This is important in the continuing discussion of childbirth and how couples are choosing to bring their babies into the world.

For the last century plus, childbirth has been treated as an illness in 'civilized' countries. Something you need an expert to cure you of.  A large part of this civilized process involves strangers hovering over your vagina in brightly lit, loudly noised public areas, with masks, strange instruments and virtually no space to hear yourself think, let alone feel sexy or intimate with your partner. More like bad porn than a sensual experience.

It's interesting to consider that women have actually been giving birth on their own just fine for millenium with proper nutrition and living conditions.  Fun fact,  the infant mortality rate is higher in hospitals than it is in homebirths.  That's not very sexy.  But more than that, it begs the question, why has birth been turned into something that needs to be treated, observed and invaded, instead of something that a couple can do in their own space together, without the whole world and god watching?

Let's face it ladies, sex is awesome when you're pregnant. Hormones are wild, your body is super sensitive and your partner is jazzed over your boobs.  Plus, you DON'T have to worry about taking your little pill or pulling out yet another condom.  No. You can get down whenever, wherever and revel in the fact that you are a god and goddess who have contracted with another spirit for an unprecedented partnership that will open your heart and unveil things you never dreamed were possible. 

So get your short shorts on, pump up Lady Gaga and shake that thing, cause baby, you were born this way.  Born to be empowered. Born to be feminine.  Born to be attractive all the time, ESPECIALLY when you're in rehearsal for becoming a mother of life.

Week 9-I'm A Seahorse!

Well, I can still fit into all my clothes as you can see, and I THINK it's starting to look like something is different. What do you think?  We've started getting all sorts of fascinating books in the mail like Unassisted Childbirth by Laura Kaplan Shanley and Orgasmic Childbirth and one by Ina May Gaskin.  Dr. Christene Northrup seems to have written blurbs for all of them, so apparently she is the goddess of slightly off the main track birth methods. 



I've been playing the guitar and meditation music and jazz and singing alot the last two weeks and also, examining my limiting beliefs, circumstances around MY birth and creating symbols for the kind of birth I want to have.  That would be a baby colt with a brushy tail, mainly because it makes me laugh and also inspires emotions like delight and happiness which are two of the big feelings I want to undergird this process.  I really do believe that we create our reality through our thoughts and I'm taking this opportunity to make sure mine are positive and light and empowering!
You'll notice a small glimpse of silver on my ring finger and I want you to know, it's my unicorn engagment ring from Tobi!  It's only about ten minutes old on my finger at this point but I adore it.  I know it's going to lend all sorts of magic and love to being preggers :)


Also know, that I ate a liter of organic vanilla ice cream for dinner. And an egg.  I can't wait to see if you adore ice cream or can't stand it :) 

Other than the odd toss and turn at night and strange murmlings in my body, everything is cruising right along without a hitch.  Tobi and I have been discussing whether or not we want to see and GP for an initial checkup and my gut says, nah. His says, maybe?  So we'll see how that ends up.  Honestly, I'm so grateful for this opportunity to explore what feels right and really tap into the gut and intuition of both of us. 

As they say, Onward!

Week 8-Hormones Exist

I believe in hormones.  I also believe in unicorns.  Sometimes, it's hard though, because you can't pet hormones or feed unicorns apples on a whim. 

Having been with child for coming on 8 weeks now however, I can attest to the presence of some very real mood swings that leave me much more open to the reality of the unseen. 

Yesterday for example, I woke up mad.  It was raining outside, but the house was warm, I had slept in, and everything was cozy.  I however, was mad of the teeth clenching variety, as though someone had just slapped a kitten in front of me for NO REASON.

So I meditated.  For 10 minutes.  I had to stop because I got so agitated and angry about SOMETHING unidentifiable, that I could not sit still one more moment. Not one.
Feeling the grump, I decided to put myself to bed and sleep it off a little more.

This lasted ten minutes until some unseen force catapulted me out of bed yelling, "Get ahold of yourself Mathis! You can't just LIE IN BED for the next 7 months!"  Then I tried to meditate again.

Thirty minutes this time, and then POOF.  ANGRY!  I lept up, stomping around the house in a furious rage, yelling reasonable things like, "What the hell am I DOING with my LIFE?!?! I am WASTING MY TIME SITTING AROUND DENMARK!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!"

My teeth were practically gnashing with the unrelenting angst flowing through my body.

The still, calm part of my spirit watched in amused detachment as its space grew smaller and smaller the louder my ego thrashed about.  I tried to nap again.

This time it worked and I woke up a bit later feeling slightly calmer.  I read my Connecting To Your Spirit Guides book and learned about my Teacher guides, Animal guides and the Light Beings.  I broke down and sobbed mournfully over sweet Frawley Lumpkins passing to the Land of Eternal Bread. 

The world started looking hopeful again as I meditated on my spirit animal totem and met Black Panther.  It was very playful and came out of a cave on its back legs so it could rest its paws on my shoulder.  It licked me.  I giggled and decided to go for a walk.

It poured down rain and a little bird kept me company by hopping down the road right in front of me.  The universe was clearly having a great time working with me and my spiralling emotions.

By the time Tobi got home, I was laughing about how furious my morning had been for no apparent reason.  He laughed too and I can only hope that it was finally the same measure of ridiculous as it had been traumatizing when I had experienced it.

I have been to the mountain top and looked out across the expanse of hormonal topography.  Wow is it inspiring.

_____________________________

The totem or medicine of the Black Panther reminds us that darkness is the place for both seeking and finding answers. It is a place to accept healing. The darkness is a place for us to access the hidden light of truth. Through our dreams, Sister Panther teaches us to delve into the places within ourselves to find the things in need of healing. Just as a Black Panther we must track the unfamiliar territory of self-discovery and to be as fearless as she in facing the unknown.

If Black Panther is working with you as a totem she may be telling you not to worry about the future. She could be reminding you that you need to trust that you are not supposed to “figure it out” right now. It might be a time for you to confront your fears of the unknown. Do you fear being less than you truly are? Are you frightened to just BE yourself? Sister Panther says to let go of the fears because they are obstacles in your growth. Embrace your unknown and flow with the unfolding journey of your life.

When working with Black Panther, or should I say when she is working with us, we need to let go of the negative people and limiting thoughts. There is no reason to fear being alone. When we are out of balance we have a tendency to allow the shadows create demons of fear in us. Trust Black Panther to guide you in the darkness.

Snuggle into Black Panther’s dark fur and let her guide you into the emptiness of the void. Do not let the shadows overcome you but instead embrace the unknown and trust that what is coming is good and right for your personal journey.
~Mitakuye Oyasin~ We are all related

Week 7-Under the Waxing Gibbous Moon

June 30 is when you were conceived and when Tobias and I were in London enjoying our first trip off the Continent together. It was also the first time we had been apart in more than a month and a half as I had flown over a few days before him due to my Shengen visa running out! 

You are a baby of passionate reunion and homecoming, of adventure and love.

We were staying at a hotel right across from the Euston Underground station, mere moments from the British Library and Russell Square, which is the first place I stepped in London the first time I arrived there at the age of 18 almost exactly 15 years ago. 

This is your moon, wise soul.  On the path to becoming full, having already passed the half-way mark.  Keep coming. 

Week 6 of Preggertopia and the word is UBIQUITOUS

In no particular order, here are the things I have noticed occuring everywhere in my world since say, July 1:

1. A desire for naps above all things.
2. My boobs getting bigger by the hour.
3. Intense emotional experiences which may or may not be compounded by the culture shock of a new life in Denmark.
4. A newfound awareness of mold.
5. Hawklike searching for good places to nest.

People, I only wear shoes when I HAVE to and mostly I just want to read and drink tea.  But now, my boobs are bigger, so really, life hasn't changed all that much since the grand discovery of my impending initiation into the world of woman magic.  I also take Danish preggers vitamins now, which makes me feel very international since Tobias must interpret them for me when google translate is not available. 

Somehow in the middle of all this excitement, I also walked 300 kilometers in medieval pilgrim garb on The Haervejen.  Course, I didn't know I was with child then, but I still longed for naps. I'm actually jonesing for one in this photo, real hard.   Needless to say, if a pregnant lady can walk 200 miles looking like a Viking Larper, then anything is possible. Anything.