Having been with child for coming on 8 weeks now however, I can attest to the presence of some very real mood swings that leave me much more open to the reality of the unseen.
Yesterday for example, I woke up mad. It was raining outside, but the house was warm, I had slept in, and everything was cozy. I however, was mad of the teeth clenching variety, as though someone had just slapped a kitten in front of me for NO REASON.
So I meditated. For 10 minutes. I had to stop because I got so agitated and angry about SOMETHING unidentifiable, that I could not sit still one more moment. Not one.
Feeling the grump, I decided to put myself to bed and sleep it off a little more.
This lasted ten minutes until some unseen force catapulted me out of bed yelling, "Get ahold of yourself Mathis! You can't just LIE IN BED for the next 7 months!" Then I tried to meditate again.
Thirty minutes this time, and then POOF. ANGRY! I lept up, stomping around the house in a furious rage, yelling reasonable things like, "What the hell am I DOING with my LIFE?!?! I am WASTING MY TIME SITTING AROUND DENMARK!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!"
My teeth were practically gnashing with the unrelenting angst flowing through my body.
The still, calm part of my spirit watched in amused detachment as its space grew smaller and smaller the louder my ego thrashed about. I tried to nap again.
This time it worked and I woke up a bit later feeling slightly calmer. I read my Connecting To Your Spirit Guides book and learned about my Teacher guides, Animal guides and the Light Beings. I broke down and sobbed mournfully over sweet Frawley Lumpkins passing to the Land of Eternal Bread.
The world started looking hopeful again as I meditated on my spirit animal totem and met Black Panther. It was very playful and came out of a cave on its back legs so it could rest its paws on my shoulder. It licked me. I giggled and decided to go for a walk.
It poured down rain and a little bird kept me company by hopping down the road right in front of me. The universe was clearly having a great time working with me and my spiralling emotions.
By the time Tobi got home, I was laughing about how furious my morning had been for no apparent reason. He laughed too and I can only hope that it was finally the same measure of ridiculous as it had been traumatizing when I had experienced it.
I have been to the mountain top and looked out across the expanse of hormonal topography. Wow is it inspiring.
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The totem or medicine of the Black Panther reminds us that darkness is the place for both seeking and finding answers. It is a place to accept healing. The darkness is a place for us to access the hidden light of truth. Through our dreams, Sister Panther teaches us to delve into the places within ourselves to find the things in need of healing. Just as a Black Panther we must track the unfamiliar territory of self-discovery and to be as fearless as she in facing the unknown.
If Black Panther is working with you as a totem she may be telling you not to worry about the future. She could be reminding you that you need to trust that you are not supposed to “figure it out” right now. It might be a time for you to confront your fears of the unknown. Do you fear being less than you truly are? Are you frightened to just BE yourself? Sister Panther says to let go of the fears because they are obstacles in your growth. Embrace your unknown and flow with the unfolding journey of your life.
Snuggle into Black Panther’s dark fur and let her guide you into the emptiness of the void. Do not let the shadows overcome you but instead embrace the unknown and trust that what is coming is good and right for your personal journey.
~Mitakuye Oyasin~ We are all related
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