Just let your imagination run wild for a second.
Really soak in the title of this entry.
Allow it to activate your deepest corners of devilishness.
Annnnndddddd, here we go.
I have started leading weekly meditations for a Seattle tech company as part of their employee "recharge" program. Every Tuesday at 9:30AM we meet online and I guide them through a mindfulness practice to help support a more present frame of mind and less judgemental view of the world. To me, it's an incredible way to practice my OWN practice while offering a service to the heightened well-being and consciousness of my fellow human beings. All systems and values are a go on this.
Espen is usually at his play group during this time, so I can completely give myself over to the experience of being fully present as I guide new practitioners through an experience.
This week, however, his group was still on holiday break, so I was going to need a plan.
I discussed it with Espen several days in advance to see what infrastructure needed to be in place.
"Hey, Wesp. Do you think you could be quiet for a car ride to grandma and grandpa's house so mom can teach a meditation class?"
"Are you teaching yoga, mama?"
"Basically, yes."
"So you can be a better mom?"
"Well, um, yes."
"When will you be better, mama?"
"It's something I have to do forever, buddy."
"But will you go away to teach it?"
"Nope, I could do it at home if you think you can play quietly for a little while."
"Ok."
"Really?"
"Ok. I won't make a peep."
I'm a bit incredulous at this point since Espen is quite capable of entertaining himself for 30 minutes, but only if I'm not looking or asking for it. But I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, sooo....
"Alright, babe. That's great!"
Tuesday morning dawns and with it, the realization that I'd better get The Bear some fresh air before the session so he was good and calm DURING said gathering.
We went outside and met 28 degrees.
I had thought it would make sense to shoo him outside while I led the meditation, but this was clearly an Arctic Sign.We made a brisk circle around the neighborhood and returned to the house. I headed inside, but Espen, refused to enter.
"You go in, mama. I'm staying here."
Now granted, he seems to be generally impervious to cold and had full winter clothes on to boot, but I was skeptical. It was just after 9 and I didn't want him wearing out the novelty of Nature before I was done facilitating mindfulness.
However, I needed to shower and get setup and didn't have a good deal of alternatives springing to mind so I said, "OK" and went about my business.
Shower complete and computer rebooting, I headed outside with snacks for the Tiny House, which I figured Espen could use as his warming hut. I had his favorite miso, snack bars, lemonade and fruit leather. So healthy. So exciting.
He spotted me from the top of his sawdust mountain.
"HI MAMA!!!"
"Hey, babe! I'm just putting some snacks here that you can eat while I am teaching the class, ok?"
"Mama! You eat them with me!"
"Wesp, I can't, remember? We talked about this? I have to lead the class now and you can play outside. Or take a bath."
"Outside. Eat with me!"
"I'll come get you when I'm done, ok?"
"I'll come with you, mama!"
"Well, babe, I need it very quiet in there and I think it'll be better if you can play out here and made all the noise you want."
"Mama! I won't MAKE A PEEP!"
"That's great, sweet one. Maybe we can do a trial run next time. But not today, ok?"
He sat there quietly for a moment, not buying it. Then, something clicked and he smiled.
"Ok mama."
I dashed to the house and checked the computer. No dice. I quickly installed Skype for Business on my phone and prayed for a smooth download. Success.
Because of having a wild card variable in the form of Espen Camino, I had chosen a meditation that focuses on the five senses one at a time. I figured, if Espen came storming in, we could just switch to hearing and use his noise as practice. And so I began.
At about 7 minutes in, I watched as Espen thumped up the back stairs and started banging on the door. I put my finger to my lips and tried to signal going around. He smiled and continued to bang so I walked to the far end of the house, still talking people through the sense of sight.
We had moved on to hearing and noticing sounds close by, middle distance and far away when Espen gained the interior of the house.
He raced towards me as I spoke. I quickly lifted a finger to my lips, praying he would think it was a game instead of control.
He cackled silently and ran away down the hall. I sighed and sank onto the couch.
Espen came barreling back into the room and launched himself on me.
The phone clattered to the floor. The headphones slipped off my ears. I lifted another finger to my lips and picked up the phone. Plugged in the headphones. Walked away from Espen as he chortled.
"You may have noticed I just dropped my phone, this is another great example of how we can practice in any environment, no matter how disruptive."
We made it through smell and taste and were headed into touch when Espen returned carrying something...elastic.He held it up to me.
"Mommy, what IS this?"
At first I thought it was one of the balloons he'd brought home with Tobias the other day.
But no, it was too...long...
Oh. Sweet. Jesus.
He held up a wrapper.
"It's SHINY, mama!!! I can shine the FLOOR with it, LOOK!"And he gleefully started waxing the floor with his new favorite toy, The Blue Condom.
And somehow, all my years in the theatre came rushing back to save me. I swallowed. Breathed.
And continued as I calmly walked away from Espen the Condom Cleaner, leaving him polishing away.
"You may notice touch as subtly as the fabric of your clothes resting on your skin...perhaps the pressure of your body contacting
the earth..."
Meanwhile, Espen cavorted around the room, silently waving his Latex Treasure.
I watched as he dropped pieces of his train in it...puzzle pieces, Legos...and then laid it at my feet and walked away.
We finished the sense of touch and I stepped over the condom. Espen smiled.
