Moms Take Care!

I felt pretty confident about my self-development and personal evolution before having a baby.  Self-care was right up there on the short list of Things I've Gotten Good At.  I danced regularly (good for body AND soul), cooked myself sensible breakfasts, walked to work, had a writing website, regular massages, adventures out of and around town, and practiced gratitude.  If anyone was ready to take on a dependent soul who needed absolute devotion, presence, and love, it was me.

And then, after 41 weeks of conscious and intentional baby growing and birthing, I had Espen in my arms.  There was much to be celebrating. An ecstatic, drug-free, rip-free birth and a healthy, alert, gorgeous baby.  Hell, I was within 15 pounds of my pre-birth weight a week after giving birth. Sure we had our challenges, just like everyone else, but all things considered, I was truly living the Empowering Birth dream.

Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice was calling out to me, "Don't forget to continue empowering yourself! Must. Continue. Self-Care." I made a quick promise to do so in the middle of a mad dash to deposit the twelfth load of dirty laundry into the machine that day.

Though there is an inbred martyr that lurks in the corners of my psyche, rattling its chains of eternal suffering and servitude, on the whole, I only let it out for the occasional pity party, and that, generally, is in front of the audience of me.

HOWEVER, motherhood apparently brings out a whole new playing field of opportunities to forgo one's own needs for the greater, more dependent good.  As it should. And yet, as I found myself taking five minutes longer in the bathroom than I needed in reality, checking to make sure the door was locked so nothing could come in and demand my attention, I realized that my promise of self-care may have gotten forgotten somewhere between HAVING a baby and three months later.

As a grown up, it is my responsibility to make sure I am taking care of my own grown self.  It is also my responsibility to take care of any dependents I have brought into the world.  Now, how to find the balance. You don't just sign up for a two week meditation retreat when you have a newborn that needs you.  Nor do you throw up your hands and say, "What can I do with FIVE minutes?!"

Creativity is the key.  With five minutes you can read a quick chapter in your "How to ground and stay connected to your center" book.  If you're a slow reader, you can take a quick shower.  You can brew a cup of warm tea.  You can write down three things you're grateful for, even if you're writing "I'm grateful" in front of sentence that finishes with "my bum feels like it's going to fall off."  You may not be able to nap, but you can have a primal roar or a nice long hug with your partner.  There's lots you can do with five minutes, even with a sleep deprived brain.

I started going back to acupuncture once a week as soon as possible.  It was amazing to have Tobias around to watch Espen for the hour or two required for extreme qi balancing...and it was fundamental to staying healthy enough to be able to continue operating at a level of awareness that I can respect. Now I know not everyone has the luxury of a supportive partner and I recognize that this makes it more challenging to find those five minutes. It also makes it more important than EVER that you DO.

Recently, with Espen now at 7.5 months and a good stock of milk in the fridge, I have started wandering back to ecstatic dance and its pervasive wisdom.  My body speaks of places I need to pay some attention to. My spirit reminds me of my connection to a world of beauty.  My mind rages and calms itself over the space of an hour and a half and finally resolves to a state of peace and acceptance.

This time, between acupuncture and dance probably amounts to about four or five hours a week that are mine and mine alone.  While this may seem like luxury, I am certain that it is a necessity.  One that I am most proud to say, I have prioritized and Tobias has supported intentionally.  We are forming a basis to model self care for Espen and we're walking the walk.  That makes me feel proud.

And a lot more limber for facing life's unexpected scenarios.